fear

so, contrary to what i'd like to believe, in at least one area of my life (probably more) fear is still an active catalyst of Stupid things (timing, sensing and ignoring, driving one direction instead of another, speaking) instead of a zen-like just sitting with fear and making friends with it - that one's smart, not stupid. (now really who can do that anyhow? i know. i know. it's hard, it's scary, but you just have to. i do not appreciate these practice opportunities.)

i like to think other things motivate me - and in some areas they do. (In some areas I do not allow fear to override the best course in a situation. I suppose I'm not so out of practice in those areas.) But my relationship with fear is apparently so close in this area that i just don't listen to myself when that little voice speaks. Vasilisa, may I borrow the doll??

this balance thing bites. in that which of i speak, i couldn't tell whether i was advocating for balance or i'm pushing a reasonable suggestion at a really poor time. even when the brain screams - Uh, you. Look. Busyness is happening. Biggish eventy thing is happening. You. Shut up. - Then it is apparently a perfect time to bring up a discussion. Oh, yeah. Not like it can wait two days or even two months.

Geez. Thank you, Karma. I do not want this type of situational mirror, but alas, you're sharing. How generous of you.





Vasilisa, i'm not kidding. let's talk about a loaner, until i get some practice...